NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

New Year has always seemed to me a beginning of a new cycle, or a new path of self-development, but I never write detailed resolutions, having only abstractive understanding of my plans for future. But this year will end with a following resolution.

First of all, I would like to become more assertive and self-confident. I need thus some more courage in my daily affairs. In addition, I need some courage to esteem my faults and failures and put them on the path of improvement: it seems like I'm becoming dependant upon the opinions of my surrounding (friends, relatives and classmates), so I would like to manage some situations on my own, without relying upon the others' advice or imposition. I want to become more independent in my attitudes and viewpoints and to get the ability to separate my judgments from those of others.

Then, I would like to become more honest with myself. Sometimes I seem too benevolent and justify inappropriate behaviors of my friends, yet there couldn't be any justification. I also use this technique to justify my own mistakes, yet I should simply accept myself as a human being who has an inclination to making mistakes, because this is the most trustworthy way of gaining experience and knowledge.

Thirdly, I would like to slow down my life, because it seems too busy, so I have almost no time for self-reflection, introspection and communication with my family. Sometimes it seems like my nearest and dearest people receive too little attention and care from me, so this gap will be filled and I will spend more time with my parents.

To sum up, I would like to say that I will not keep waiting for New Year and will realize my plan in the nearest future... It is not necessary to wait for new cycle in order to change your life, because some alterations can and must be done immediately. 

Stress Management – Start Here!

A lot of research has been conducted into stress over the last hundred years. Some of the theories behind it are now settled and accepted; others are still being researched and debated. During this time, there seems to have been something approaching open warfare between competing theories and definitions: Views have been passionately held and aggressively defended.

What complicates this is that intuitively we all feel that we know what stress is, as it is something we have all experienced. A definition should therefore be obvious... except that it is not.

Definitions

Hans Selye was one of the founding fathers of stress research. His view in 1956 was that "stress is not necessarily something bad – it all depends on how you take it. The stress of exhilarating, creative successful work is beneficial, while that of failure, humiliation or infection is detrimental." Selye believed that the biochemical effects of stress would be experienced irrespective of whether the situation was positive or negative.

Since then, a great deal of further research has been conducted, and ideas have moved on. Stress is now viewed as a "bad thing", with a range of harmful biochemical and long-term effects. These effects have rarely been observed in positive situations.

The most commonly accepted definition of stress (mainly attributed to Richard S Lazarus) is that stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that "demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize." In short, it's what we feel when we think we've lost control of events.

This is the main definition used by this section of Mind Tools, although we also recognize that there is an intertwined instinctive stress response to unexpected events. The stress response inside us is therefore part instinct and part to do with the way we think.

Fight-or-Flight

Some of the early research on stress (conducted by Walter Cannon in 1932) established the existence of the well-known "fight-or-flight" response. His work showed that when an organism experiences a shock orperceives a threat, it quickly releases hormones that help it to survive.

In humans, as in other animals, these hormones help us to run faster and fight harder. They increase heart rate and blood pressure, delivering more oxygen and blood sugar to power important muscles. They increase sweating in an effort to cool these muscles, and help them stay efficient. They divert blood away from the skin to the core of our bodies, reducing blood loss if we are damaged. As well as this, these hormones focus our attention on the threat, to the exclusion of everything else. All of this significantly improves our ability to survive life-threatening events.

Not only life-threatening events trigger this reaction: We experience it almost any time we come across something unexpected or something that frustrates our goals. When the threat is small, our response is small and we often do not notice it among the many other distractions of a stressful situation.

Unfortunately, this mobilization of the body for survival also has negative consequences. In this state, we are excitable, anxious, jumpy and irritable. This actually reduces our ability to work effectively with other people. With trembling and a pounding heart, we can find it difficult to execute precise, controlled skills. The intensity of our focus on survival interferes with our ability to make fine judgments by drawing information from many sources. We find ourselves more accident-prone and less able to make good decisions.

There are very few situations in modern working life where this response is useful. Most situations benefit from a calm, rational, controlled and socially sensitive approach.

In the short term, we need to keep this fight-or-flight response under control to be effective in our jobs. In the long term we need to keep it under control to avoid problems of poor health and burnout.

Introducing Stress Management

There are very many proven skills that we can use to manage stress. These help us to remain calm and effective in high pressure situations, and help us avoid the problems of long term stress. In the rest of this section of Mind Tools, we look at some important techniques in each of these three groups.

It also discusses:

·                  Long-term stress: The General Adaptation Syndrome and Burnout.

·                  The Integrated Stress Response.

·                  Stress and Health.

·                  Stress and its Affect on the Way We Think.

·                  Pressure & Performance: Flow and the 'Inverted-U'.

Warning: Stress can cause severe health problems and, in extreme cases, can cause death. While these stress management techniques have been shown to have a positive effect on reducing stress, they are for guidance only, and readers should take the advice of suitably qualified health professionals if they have any concerns over stress-related illnesses or if stress is causing significant or persistent unhappiness. Health professionals should also be consulted before any major change in diet or levels of exercise.

Building Self-Confidence Preparing Yourself for Success!

From the quietly confident doctor whose advice we rely on, to the charismatic confidence of an inspiring speaker, self-confident people have qualities that everyone admires.

Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: People who lack self-confidence can find it difficult to become successful.

After all, most people are reluctant to back a project that's being pitched by someone who was nervous, fumbling and overly apologetic.

On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who speaks clearly, who holds his or her head high, who answers questions assuredly, and who readily admits when he or she does not know something.

Self-confident people inspire confidence in others: their audience, their peers, their bosses, their customers, and their friends. And gaining the confidence of others is one of the key ways in which a self-confident person finds success.

The good news is that self-confidence really can be learned and built on. And, whether you’re working on your own self-confidence or building the confidence of people around you, it’s well-worth the effort!

How Confident do you Seem to Others?

Your level of self-confidence can show in many ways: your behavior, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so on. Look at the following comparisons of common confident behavior with behavior associated with low self-confidence. Which thoughts or actions do you recognize in yourself and people around you?

Building Self-Confidence

So how do you build this sense of balanced self-confidence, founded on a firm appreciation of reality?

The bad news is that there’s no quick fix, or five-minute solution.

The good news is that building self-confidence is readily achievable, just as long as you have the focus and determination to carry things through. And what’s even better is that the things you’ll do to build self-confidence will also build success – after all, your confidence will come from real, solid achievement. No-one can take this away from you!

So here are our three steps to self-confidence, for which we’ll use the metaphor of a journey: preparing for your journey; setting out; and accelerating towards success.

Step 1: Preparing for Your Journey

The first step involves getting yourself ready for your journey to self-confidence. You need to take stock of where you are, think about where you want to go, get yourself in the right mindset for your journey, and commit yourself to starting it and staying with it.

In preparing for your journey, do these five things:

Look at What You've Already Achieved

Think about your life so far, and list the ten best things you've achieved in an "Achievement Log." Perhaps you came top in an important test or exam, played a key role in an important team, produced the best sales figures in a period, did something that made a key difference in someone else’s life, or delivered a project that meant a lot for your business.

Think About Your Strengths

Next, use a technique like SWOT Analysis to take a look at who and where you are. Looking at your Achievement Log, and reflecting on your recent life, think about what your friends would consider to be your strengths and weaknesses. From these, think about the opportunities and threats you face.

Make sure that you enjoy a few minutes reflecting on your strengths!

Think About What's Important to You, and Where you Want to Go

Next, think about the things that are really important to you, and what you want to achieve with your life.

Setting and achieving goals is a key part of this, and real self-confidence comes from this. Goal setting is the process you use to set yourself targets, and measure your successful hitting of those targets. 

nform your goal setting with your SWOT Analysis. Set goals that exploit your strengths, minimize your weaknesses, realize your opportunities, and control the threats you face.

And having set the major goals in your life, identify the first step in each. Make sure it’s a very small step, perhaps taking no more than an hour to complete!

Start Managing Your Mind

At this stage, you need to start managing your mind. Learn to pick up and defeat the negative self-talk which can destroy your confidence. 

And Then Commit Yourself to Success!

The final part of preparing for the journey is to make a clear and unequivocal promise to yourself that you are absolutely committed to your journey, and that you will do all in your power to achieve it.

If as you’re doing it, you find doubts starting to surface, write them down and challenge them calmly and rationally. If they dissolve under scrutiny, that’s great. However if they are based on genuine risks, make sure you set additional goals to manage these appropriately.

Habits of Effective Time Managers

HABIT 1: BE PROACTIVE IN YOUR EDUCATION
􀀍 Take initiative; don’t wait for others to act first
􀀍 Be responsible for what you do and don’t do
􀀍 Take control over your semester, rather than it taking control of you!
HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
􀀍 Think things through
􀀍 Plan your work
􀀍 Set realistic goals
o List the steps and time frame needed to achieve your goals
HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST
􀀍 Make sure to distinguish the goals that are truly important (e.g. completion of a research project)
from those that may seem urgent but are really not important (e.g. arranging the weekend's
softball game for your buddies).
􀀍 Do not spend a large amount of time doing busywork--work that appears productive but only
keeps you occupied.
HABIT 4: LOOK AHEAD
􀀍 Essential to being proactive, as opposed to reactive, is to project ahead
􀀍 One way to effectively do this is to keep a calendar for each month of the semester
o From the syllabi for your courses and the General Information Catalogue, note the important
dates such as test dates, due dates of important assignments, times of mid-term and final
exams, holidays, registration periods, drop dates, and financial aid deadlines.
o In filling out your calendars, note the times of the semester that will be difficult for you and
begin to develop a plan to address the difficulties you anticipate.
Student Advising and Learning Center
􀀍 Because there are numerous activities you will have to balance in a given week, keeping a weekly
schedule in which you determine the week's work is highly advised.
o First block in fixed activities, such as classes, labs, meetings, meals, chores, and sleep. Use this
as a master schedule template that you will use to make each week's schedule.
o Then, before each week, make a list of study and other tasks that need to be completed;
using this list, add study and recreation times to your schedule. Be specific and realistic.
o An effective tool for those students who occasionally have more to do than they can keep
track of in their minds is the daily “to do” list.
o If regularly composing daily "to do" lists is not your thing, consider using one when you find
yourself "in the weeds" for example, during mid-terms or the well-known end-of-semester
crunch. A well-crafted list can do wonders.
ONE LAST WORD...
􀀍 If you have never managed your time before, it will take a little bit of time to learn how and to do
it.
􀀍 Keep in mind, the more you do it the better and faster you will get.
􀀍 Stick with it for approximately 30 days so that you can evaluate its effectiveness. You may
discover that you need to make some slight modifications.
􀀍 You do not have to do everything outlined in this paper. Instead identify those suggestions
mentioned that will enhance your way of managing time.
􀀍 Remember, in many cases, you will have to modify our advice to fit your learning style and
circumstance.
􀀍 While you are scrutinizing your use of time, make sure to note any patterns to your wasting time.
Also note under what circumstances you use time effectively. No one knows you better than
yourself.
Things to Consider While Composing Your Schedule
1. Schedule fixed blocks of time first
􀀍 Start with class and work time, for instance.
􀀍 Then schedule essential daily activities like sleep and eating.
􀀍 Once you've schedule fixed blocks of time, then you can see what time you have left and
schedule around them.
􀀍 Also note that optimum efficiency is often reached by planning in blocks of 1hour- fifty minutes
to study and ten minutes for a break. Yes... take breaks when you study!
􀀍 Schedule time for fun, but make sure to schedule study hours before fun activities.
2. Discover how long to study for each course.
􀀍 Study approximately two hours for every hour in class. Start out by allowing two hours of
study for every hour in class. Adjust the hours accordingly.
􀀍 The time required varies from student to student and from subject to subject.
3. Use daylight hours effectively.
􀀍 Research shows that many students do not make effective use of daytime hours. These students
tend to save all of their work for the evening, when they are least likely to do it or when they are
most susceptible to procrastination.
4. Break large assignments into more workable tasks.
􀀍 When one of your assignments is large and overwhelming, divide it into small, more manageable
units. Then schedule your time appropriately.
5. Allow larger blocks of time for learning new material.
􀀍 Understanding new material often requires that you analyze difficult concepts, which requires a
lot of time.
6. Make use of small blocks of time, particularly for review.
􀀍 Busy students often need to take advantage of small blocks of time.
􀀍 Use short blocks of time to memorize lists of items.
􀀍 Spend a few minutes after each class reviewing and editing your lecture notes
7. Avoid scheduling marathon study sessions.
􀀍 Distributed study (distributing the work over a period of days) is far more effective than massed
study (cramming).
o The problem with cramming is that there is too little time to seek clarification about difficult
concepts and to prepare adequately for most test--all of which can increase anxiety and
lessen your ability to concentrate during a test.
o In a nine- or ten-hour study marathon, the percentage of time actually spent on task can be
depressingly small due to fatigue and burnout. Whereas three shorter sessions will likely yield
much more productive use of time.
8. Schedule study periods for difficult courses for times when you are most alert and can
concentrate best--that is, when you're "running on all cylinders."
9. Set clear starting and stopping times.
􀀍 If you note only the deadline, there's a good chance that you'll wait until the last minute to get
started.
10. Schedule time for exercise and plan for adequate amount of sleep.
􀀍 Regular exercise can alleviate stress and enhance concentration.
􀀍 Too little sleep contributes to fatigue, a lack of mental alertness, and irritability.
􀀍 The quality of your education often depends on sufficient sleep.
11. Allow flexibility into your schedule; don't schedule all of your time.
􀀍 Leave a little room for unexpected events. If you pack your weekly schedule with too many
details, the chances of your following such a schedule are very slim.
􀀍 Leave one of the weekend days free for errands, fun and relaxation. Not leaving time for errands
and relaxation can contribute to stress and lower productivity.

How To Motivate Yourself – Self Motivation

Staying motivated is a struggle — our drive is constantly assaulted by negative thoughts and anxiety about the future. Everyone faces doubt and depression. What separates the highly successful is the ability to keep moving forward.

There is no simple solution for a lack of motivation. Even after beating it, the problem reappears at the first sign of failure. The key is understanding your thoughts and how they drive your emotions. By learning how to nurture motivating thoughts, neutralize negative ones, and focus on the task at hand, you can pull yourself out of a slump before it gains momentum.

Reasons We Lose Motivation

There are 3 primary reasons we lose motivation.

1. Lack of confidence – If you don’t believe you can succeed, what’s the point in trying?
2. Lack of focus – If you don’t know what you want, do you really want anything?
3. Lack of direction – If you don’t know what to do, how can you be motivated to do it?

How to Boost Confidence

The first motivation killer is a lack of confidence. When this happens to me, it’s usually because I’m focusing entirely on what I want and neglecting what I already have. When you only think about what you want, your mind creates explanations for why you aren’t getting it. This creates negative thoughts. Past failures, bad breaks, and personal weaknesses dominate your mind. You become jealous of your competitors and start making excuses for why you can’t succeed. In this state, you tend to make a bad impression, assume the worst about others, and lose self confidence.

The way to get out of this thought pattern is to focus on gratitude. Set aside time to focus on everything positive in your life. Make a mental list of your strengths, past successes, and current advantages. We tend to take our strengths for granted and dwell on our failures. By making an effort to feel grateful, you’ll realize how competent and successful you already are. This will rejuvenate your confidence and get you motivated to build on your current success.

It might sound strange that repeating things you already know can improve your mindset, but it’s amazingly effective. The mind distorts reality to confirm what it wants to believe. The more negatively you think, the more examples your mind will discover to confirm that belief. When you truly believe that you deserve success, your mind will generate ways to achieve it. The best way to bring success to yourself is to genuinely desire to create value for the rest of the world.

Developing Tangible Focus

The second motivation killer is a lack of focus. How often do you focus on what you don’t want, rather than on a concrete goal? We normally think in terms of fear. I’m afraid of being poor. I’m afraid no one will respect me. I’m afraid of being alone. The problem with this type of thinking is that fear alone isn’t actionable. Instead of doing something about our fear, it feeds on itself and drains our motivation.

If you’re caught up in fear based thinking, the first step is focusing that energy on a well defined goal. By defining a goal, you automatically define a set of actions. If you have a fear of poverty, create a plan to increase your income. It could be going back to school, obtaining a higher paying job, or developing a profitable website. The key is moving from an intangible desire to concrete, measurable steps.

By focusing your mind on a positive goal instead of an ambiguous fear, you put your brain to work. It instantly begins devising a plan for success. Instead of worrying about the future you start to do something about it. This is the first step in motivating yourself to take action. When know what you want, you become motivated to take action.

Developing Direction

The final piece in the motivational puzzle is direction. If focus means having an ultimate goal, direction is having a day-to-day strategy to achieve it. A lack of direction kills motivation because without an obvious next action we succumb to procrastination. An example of this is a person who wants to have a popular blog, but who spends more time reading posts about blogging than actually writing articles.

The key to finding direction is identifying the activities that lead to success. For every goal, there are activities that pay off and those that don’t. Make a list of all your activities and arrange them based on results. Then make a make an action plan that focuses on the activities that lead to big returns. To continue the example from above, a blogger’s list would look something like this:

1. Write content
2. Research relevant topics
3. Network with other bloggers
4. Optimize design and ad placements
5. Answer comments and email
6. Read other blogs

Keeping track of your most important tasks will direct your energy towards success. Without a constant reminder, it’s easy to waste entire days on filler activities like reading RSS feeds, email, and random web surfing.

When my motivation starts to wane, I regain direction by creating a plan that contains two positive actions. The first one should be a small task you’ve been meaning to do, while the second should be a long-term goal. I immediately do the smaller task. This creates positive momentum. After that I take the first step towards achieving the long-term goal. Doing this periodically is great for getting out of a slump, creating positive reinforcement, and getting long-term plans moving.

It’s inevitable that you’ll encounter periods of low energy, bad luck, and even the occasional failure. If you don’t discipline your mind, these minor speed bumps can turn into mental monsters. By being on guard against the top 3 motivation killers you can preserve your motivation and propel yourself to success.

LOVE

Love is one of life's sweetest mysteries. It can be ethereal or down-to-earth, thunderous and ardent, or tender and hushed. At once priceless and free, it's the universal experience that is wonderfully personal. Like a scintillating jewel  that reflects beauty off its many facets- each unique, yet each part of the whole- is that mystical, magical, marvelous thing called love.
It's in the faces of mother and child- mutual adoration that is beyond words. It is in the faces of parents as they embrace a returning son or daughter.It is in the faces of a couple in love, who are lost in each other's eyes and dreams. It is in the faces of those who care for the afflicted, the homeless, and the destitute. It is in the faces of strangers and friends- anyone who takes time to be thoughtful and kind. Every time we see love manifested, we experience a touch of God's love. 

Notable quotes

1. Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
2. Praise loudly; blame softly
3. "I am proud of you" are  five of the most precious words you can ever use to make another person feel important.
4. You must look into people as well as at them.
5. The sweetest music in the world to most people's ears is their own name, which is natural, because it shows somebody loved them enough to remember; somebody cared enough to know they exist.
6. Many people have, like uncut diamonds, shining qualities beneath a rough exterior.
7. Give credit where credit is due.
8. Everyone likes to feel important. People are hungry for praise and starving for honest appreciation.
9. Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon them, and to let them know that you trust them.
10. You can knock the chip off the other person's shoulder simply by patting him on the back.